Let’s talk about men who cheat. I don’t want to single out anyone, but the news is filled with talk about Arnold. Without making excuses for him, I would like to point out that it was probably not his choice to cheat. Let’s look at the reality of the situation.
The first and probably the most significant reason for his marriage to Maria to be compromised is not that he cheated. It is that he lied and that he lied for such a significant period of time. It is the deceit that did him in.
Let’s face it men with a lot of testosterone are physically driven to sex. They have to have release or it will drive them crazy. Arnold was, and probably to some extent still is, a body builder. Physiologically that increases testosterone. Also anyone in the body building arena can tell you that testosterone is one of the hormones that is used to increase muscle mass. Men with a high level of testosterone have a very high sex drive. The animal magnetism adds to their attractiveness. I want to follow through with my theory about Arnold. He most likely has had an enormous sex drive since he began body building,. Maria has known it and most likely has enjoyed the benefits of it. She probably has known that he has had extramarital sex the whole time they have been married, however, and it’s a big however, it never threatened her or the sanctity of her family until now.
It is the violation of the family home, the family unit, the children, the long term disregard for the intimacy of their sacred marital vows, and the public mockery of their marriage that has destroyed her commitment to him. Arnold screwed up big time but it was many years ago when he decided to keep the secrets and the second family and begin the gigantic lie, that he made his mistake.
I talk about vulnerability and honesty a lot in my work. What is true is that
Both men and women can forgive almost anything that their spouse is capable of if they remember that they are a team against the rest of the world and they totally surrender to each other. It is when they start deceiving each other that destruction begins. I don’t know if Arnold and Maria would have stayed married for 25 years if he had told the truth in the first place. If he had, perhaps the pregnancy would never have occurred. No one will ever know.
But I do know that in a sacred relationship almost any mistake that doesn’t involve a violation of each other’s personal values can be forgiven and healed.
Sacred intimacy depends on the integrity, appetite and boundaries that women must know and understand.